It’s a heavy burden to carry, this knowledge. Knowing that no matter what they say, it is impossible to ever really be with someone, to fully share anything with anyone. Nobody can ever really comprehend what it is we feel. In our happiness, we are alone. In our sadness, we are alone. Anger? Alone. Disappointment? Alone. Kisses end when the lips unlock, hands held are released. Satisfaction and satiation ultimately bring separation. Everyone leaves the morning after. We are alone. Even in death, surrounded by people we once loved, we are alone.
Some have recognized this but refuse to accept it. They hide their fear behind false promises and fake confidence, compliment themselves when others won’t, project images of importance and security when the truth is, they are anything but. And it works. Nobody really likes them, but everybody is brought up to be such good people that nobody dares to say a word. Even in their hatred, they are alone. Yet all it takes is one person—a single word uttered—and everything, all the false promises and fake confidence and importance and security, everything falls apart. After all the lying and the pretending, finally, they are alone.
Others have recognized this and have learned from it. They live their lives as solitary individuals, aware of the necessity of interaction with other lonely souls, but wary of the potential for attachment. Because attachment ultimately brings disappointment. They float on, light as air, living through life as quietly as they can because they know that it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. No matter what, no matter who, no matter why or where or when, everybody leaves.
Everybody leaves. Even children, nourished and nurtured in their mothers’ wombs, leave after nine months. Then they grow, and leave, to discover for themselves just what the world is about, to skin their knees and break their hearts and realize that they are all that they have.
Nobody can ever fully understand the coalescence of emotions we feel. Nobody can ever fully grasp the intensity of the happiness or the heart-wrenching grip of depression. Nobody can ever fully understand us, or share what we go through. And even if we find some miserable soul who, in some miracle of the stars, understands and accepts us despite the raging storm in our hearts, they will leave too.
We are alone.
Originally published on Tumblr on August 12th, 2011